FOUR little FULTONS: mommy guilt...

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

mommy guilt...

Does anyone out there have this? Find it hard to split up your time so each child can have "one on one time" with their one & only mommy? I find this to be VERY challenging! I try to pick up a different child first each morning, have one child help me fix breakfast or lunch & I even let one tag along with me when I have some "errand" to run. They need that individual time with their Mommy & I try to make sure they get it. But when they are crying unconsolably, I feel like there is just not enough of me to go around. At times I just have to sit on our recliner so they can climb up, at the SAME time, to hug & snuggle with me. Dustyn says it is the sound of my heart that soothes them. Isn't that AMAZING insight from a 12 year old!? They are getting SO big that soon they will not be able to do this much longer. It is in those hysterical moments that I wonder if I am doing what I should, am I being the best mommy!? Does anyone have any suggestions on making this mommy feel less guilty?

mommy guilt...

5 comments:

Anonymous said...: Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, you actually have your answer in your own post. There literally isn't more of you to go around and you are giving them all you possibly can! Repeat that to yourself. And when that doesn't seem to be doing the trick, you can sing "you can't always get what you want" by the Rolling Stones. I've used that many a time to calm myself down when I didn't know what the kids wanted from me, or I didn't know what I wanted either. Sometimes despite our best intentions our kids still want more, but do they really need more? I think it's easy for us to think they do, but more often than not we are giving them what they need. There is no best mommy, they don't need a "best" mommy, they just need you, mistakes and imperfection included!; November 5, 2008 at 6:02 PM
Misty said...: I'm so with you on this one! I could have written it myself. And with hubby out of town, well, my demand is even higher!; November 5, 2008 at 8:24 PM
Christy said...: Don't feel guilty! You are a terrific mom! That shows in all that you say and do with your children! I have twins and many times they want me at the same time! or one will want me simply b/c her sister is sitting on me! I couldn't even imagine 4 of them! Dustyn is right... they will be soothed by the sound of your heart! I would cuddle all 4 as long as you can and it sounds like you already have found ways to have one on one time! You are doing great in my book!; November 5, 2008 at 9:39 PM
Fulton Quads said...: Thank you all for your comments! Hearing another person's perspective really does help! Devra I love the part about singing the Rolling Stone's song! OH I need to remember all of the words! & CC Thanks for sharing from another mommy of multiples perspective & Misty I do not know how you do it!? You go girl! You win my award for handling them ALONE a lot of the time! I just keep repeating what I have alway's said to them "There is only one of me & there's four of you, so PLEASE be patient!". Like they understand that!! One of these days!!; November 6, 2008 at 7:17 AM
jag said...: Ohh... After reading this post, I feel certain they are all getting what they need. Your story of having them crawl up on you is just so sweet. Now, no more guilt for you. You're great!; November 8, 2008 at 5:59 AM

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Our Story...

Ok I am now over 8 years into this "job" of mine, being a mommy to multiples, high order multiples to boot! They say that if you try to conceive without protection for one year with no success then you are infertile. Those words were a lot to take in. I sought answers from everyone. We started out with our 1st OB/GYN Dr William Casale doing the normal testing that they were equipped to do. We did it all, IUI's, spermwashing, etc. I then contacted RESOLVE, a wonderful organization for people like me (could not get pregnant). I started making mental notes of what I needed to achieve my dream, to be a mom! The next step was to go see a Fertility Doctor. We chose to see Dr Mark Denker. After checking me out he then referred Michael to see a Urologist who ended up putting him on clomid. Yes, men can take this RX too! It helps make more sperm just like it helps a woman create more follicles. It is AMAZING the things you learn when you are trying to conceive! After further testing we were both told we had fertility issues, I had fewer eggs than a woman my age & they were "tough", Michael had double vericasils so that in order for us to have the "best odds" we needed to go the IVF route. I had this feeling that it was not going to work right away, call it my intuition. So we bought a package, can you even believe that they sell "packages" like a travel agency? Our "package" included 3 rounds of IVF with ICSI, minus all the meds I would need. The drugs are an expense we did not even think of but had to purchase for this entire thing to work. Well, it ended up taking all 3 rounds of IVF & accupuncture courtesy of Dr Susan Schiff for me to get pregnant & boy did I get pregnant! (Trust your intuition!) We started out with very few follicles, only 3 fertilized into embryo's and all three took. I was finally pregnant! 8 weeks into my pregnancy one of the embryo's split & became identical. Can you believe that!? What are the odds? No one told me that could happen! AMAZING! We had a lot of decisions to make. No one thought that we should keep all four. In the medical world it is called a "selective reduction". Only a few doctors even do this procedure. We did not know what our future would hold just that we could not reduce anything! In the beginning we had a hard time finding a doctor that felt like we did & wanted our four babies to thrive! We finally found Dr Moises Virelles, a fellow Christian & my now OB/GYN. He then referred us to an AWESOME Perinatologist, Dr Gary Cohen. Having the two of them on our side we knew ANYTHING was possible! My pregnancy was really uneventful. I was put on "bed rest" at 22 weeks. I later found out my "bed rest" was unlike other women's bed rest. I was just not allowed to work. I continued to do things, just stayed off my feet as much as possible. If I went shopping I would ride a motorized scooter. If I went to a party I sat pretty much the entire time. I had no issues, my cervix was long & rock solid. I really feel that God wanted me to be a mommy! The babies were great! They kicked each other more than they kicked me! People would look at me & could not believe that I had four babies inside me, I tell you I was meant to carry quads! Now don't get me wrong, it was not a joy ride, I was miserable towards the end & felt it very difficult to breathe. I never even went into the hospital prior to January 15th. Even though I asked them to admit me MANY times!! On January 17, 2007 we welcomed our GBGG quads; Camryn, Brendan, Avery & Lindsey into this world. 1 set is fraternal & 1 set is identical. They weighed 4 lb 7 oz, 4 lb 4 oz, 3 lb 6 oz & 3 lb 3 oz. I made it 32 weeks 5 days when I delivered them at St Mary's Medical Center. They were all HEALTHY and they did not need to be intubated! WOO HOO! They were little miracles destined to be here! I had nurses come up to me & tell me how wonderful it was that I carried them so long, that it was a better gift holding onto them as long as I did than a Harvard education! WOW! We were SO happy, excited & most of all unprepared for how much our life was about to change. I will say it was a GOOD change! I cannot imagine my life without them! Everyone watches our little ones in amazement & they still do. This is their story....

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