Monday, May 10, 2010

my wish for EVERY Mother's Day...

Since I can remember I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mother. I would carry around my baby dolls, dress them up, have tea parties with them, etc. IN FACT I still have some of my baby dolls even the doll cradle from when I was little. Gotta love my mom for saving those things that were special to me! SO you can understand when we were having trouble conceiving how I thought I would never get my wish! Back in the day I envisioned motherhood as this ideallic life where the kids would play well together, our home would be clean, dinner was a cinch & life would be grand! Boy was I mistaken! First off I am very happy that the good Lord answered my prayers and allowed me to experience this thing called "motherhood". In fact I was able to celebrate this Mother's Day by attending church with my mom & the tribe at my childhood church. We were lucky enough to get a picture taken of all of us! Don't we look spiffy?! Each & every day with these miracles of ours is a gift but with every gift there comes some sort of cost. Motherhood is NOTHING like I imagined! Now I know nothing is perfect but I never imagined being a mom would be SO difficult! To be that person to four little people at the same exact time is unfathonable! It is SO hard to do! I do what I can & most days I feel like even my best attempts may not be enough. This is just one of the BIG worries on my mind! That and a bunch of other things weigh on my mind!

Will the fact that I had the four of them all at the same time effect them?

Are we making the correct decisions for them developmentally, physically?

Should I have been a SAHM?

Was working part time the best thing for them? for me?

Will they ever get right amount of attention from me?

Should we have started them in preschool sooner?

Can we even afford to send them to preschool?

All of these questions & MANY MANY more continually run through my mind. You can see why I have a hard time sleeping! That & my hubby's snoring does me in! LOL! I just hope that I'm doing a good job! One day when they are older I hope that each of them will tell me that they appreciated all that I did & still do! That every decision I've made has made them into a better person & they are grateful to have me for their mommy! That is...

my wish for EVERY Mother's Day...


Do NOT copy!