my wish for EVERY Mother's Day...

Since I can remember I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mother. I would carry around my baby dolls, dress them up, have tea parties with them, etc. IN FACT I still have some of my baby dolls even the doll cradle from when I was little. Gotta love my mom for saving those things that were special to me! SO you can understand when we were having trouble conceiving how I thought I would never get my wish! Back in the day I envisioned motherhood as this ideallic life where the kids would play well together, our home would be clean, dinner was a cinch & life would be grand! Boy was I mistaken! First off I am very happy that the good Lord answered my prayers and allowed me to experience this thing called "motherhood". In fact I was able to celebrate this Mother's Day by attending church with my mom & the tribe at my childhood church. We were lucky enough to get a picture taken of all of us! Don't we look spiffy?! Each & every day with these miracles of ours is a gift but with every gift there comes some sort of cost. Motherhood is NOTHING like I imagined! Now I know nothing is perfect but I never imagined being a mom would be SO difficult! To be that person to four little people at the same exact time is unfathonable! It is SO hard to do! I do what I can & most days I feel like even my best attempts may not be enough. This is just one of the BIG worries on my mind! That and a bunch of other things weigh on my mind!

Will the fact that I had the four of them all at the same time effect them?

Are we making the correct decisions for them developmentally, physically?

Should I have been a SAHM?

Was working part time the best thing for them? for me?

Will they ever get right amount of attention from me?

Should we have started them in preschool sooner?

Can we even afford to send them to preschool?

All of these questions & MANY MANY more continually run through my mind. You can see why I have a hard time sleeping! That & my hubby's snoring does me in! LOL! I just hope that I'm doing a good job! One day when they are older I hope that each of them will tell me that they appreciated all that I did & still do! That every decision I've made has made them into a better person & they are grateful to have me for their mommy! That is...

my wish for EVERY Mother's Day...

the JOYS of motherhood...

Today is our day! A day that we mom's are celebrated for all that we do! With as crazy as things have been over the past few months I sure needed this day! To be pampered & loved on was WONDERFUL! We started a little early by going over to my mom's neighbors house for an impromtu get together Saturday night. Two of their daughters had a joint birthday/slumber party & they invited us over to join in on the fun! Their house was full of a bunch of nine & eleven year old girls! OH MY! The things I can look forward to! We brought along my cousin Raine who was visiting us. Having some girls her own age to play with had to be more fun! It was SO nice hanging with adults & having margaritas! I LOVE a good margarita! (Thank you Vicky!) It was a BEAUTIFUL evening filled with great conversation. Too bad our evening was cut short due to one sick child. Miss Linz was SICK! She ended up waking the rest of the tribe up so we then had four crying babies to deal with! She had thrown up earlier in the evening but we thought it was due to her gulping down her food. She has a very bad habit of inhaling her food when shes hungry. Well, she threw up again in her crib. It was EVERYWHERE! YUK! I am SO glad I made that deal with Michael years ago, I do poop, he does vomit! He deserved a medal for what he cleaned up! LOL! We ended up setting up a pac n' play in our room as her bed for the night & put the rest of the tribe back to bed. They did not want to go to sleep without her, kept calling out her name. I felt SO bad but we did not want to have to deal with four sick babies. Linz on the other hand was feeling rather perky now that she was done feeling sick. In fact you would have never known she was even sick! She kept talking to us & even refused to go in the pac n' play. We tried putting her between us but I just cannot sleep with a child in our bed. Afraid we'll roll over on them or maybe it's because of all the stories I hear about how it's a BIG no no. How you should not let kids sleep with you because they will get too comfortable & never be able to sleep in their own bed again. I do TOO much thinking!! haha! So there I was climbing into the pac n' play at the foot of our bed just to get her to lay down in it. REMEMBER she still shares a crib with her twin. Weird how that was all it took. She needed to have someone next to her I guess. I was afraid I'd collapse the thing but it held us. She must have thought I was CRAZY for climbing into her "bed" but it did the trick! I layed there for almost 2 hours until she was tired enough to not care when I got up. In the end I lied to her as I got out saying "Mommy has to go pee pee and I'd be right back". She bought it & fell fast asleep! All I wanted was for her to be well & to get a good nights rest! I cannot tell you what time I finally fell asleep but I knew that I would remember this Mother's Day forever. Oh...

the JOYS of motherhood...